I hate...

I hate when people say "Huzzah!" I don't specifically know why, but when someone's like "Just bought the new Muse CD and am crocheting a new scarf for my cat, HUZZAH!", I sort of have the itch to smack a ho.

Awwww

I love this. Oh love! And Soccer!

I love this.

"Ale-Ale-janNOOOOOOOOO!"

{Image via Gawker.com}

I got this picture by googling "Jerks with Bluetooths"

I HATE BLUE TOOTHS (plural, blue teeth?) Why hasn't everyone who isn't in a car driving gotten the memo that wearing one gives you instant douche status? Pair it with a middle aged woman in a mall wearing a Juicy sweat-suit and you have the super-douche. Pair it with a middle aged man in a mall with an Adidas sweat suit and you have a wanna-be music producer.

Oh hay Megabus!

Comin' acha from the Megabus y'all! I'm on my way to my girl Lauren's wedding In D.C. As soon as I get off this double decker I'm heading to her bachelorette party, which is top secret, but I'll tell you it might involve me getting injured, since I'm on four hours of sleep (gotta love those closing waitressing shifts!)

Annnyways, the bus inspired my next hate. So I'm in one of this ultra pleasant bus naps, where you're half awake and always come to with a cricked neck or awkwardly groping your seat mate (no? Just me?) and I wake up to chirping! Sadly, there wasn't a blue jay on my shoulder who was offering me a Vicodin so I could enjoy some REAL sleep, but a lady friend on one of those walkie talkie f'in push to talk phones. Like, really? Who uses those anymore, besides construction workers and pre-teens whose parents bought them the cheapest phones possible? Thanks lady, I love the incessant beeps PLUS hearing every detail of your conversation about how much rice you cooked for your date last night (truth!) If I had one of those phones I would at least have fun with it. Like have phone sex in public and say "OVER!" at the end of each sentence.

"what are you wearing? Over!"
"The maid outfit? You copy? OVER!"
"Copy! That's so hot! Can we cook massive amounts of rice now? That would make me crazy babe! OVER!!"

The Jury is in.....

I've decided, ya'll. After Sunday nights Tony Awards, I finally made my mind up about Lea Michele. And I don't like her.

Maybe it was the whole stupid segment of her and Matthew Morrison performing for NO reason at the Tony awards, her desperately and too literally trying to evoke Barbara Streisand circa 1965 with her hair and dress, or just that she does this stupid furrowing thing with her eyebrows when she belts, I don't know. As soon as "paaaaaRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADE!" came out of her mouth, I put my chinese food down and said "And.... no." With a little Donald Trump hand movement to match.


You guys can watch it for yourself on youtube. I know Matthew Morrison was a Tony nominee himself, but doesn't he look like he's trying waaaaaay too hard? The dance doesn't even look fun or graceful, it looks like he's thinking "I'M THE MAN! YEAH! TAKE THAT NEIL PATRICK HARRIS! WATCH MY DELIBERATE ARM MOVEMENTS! SUCK IT!". And then she comes in the audience and starts singing to Jay-Z (check out Beyonce's face when she does this, its like she smile-talking "girl, what are you doing?")And when she says "HEY TONY AWARDS!!".... ugh.

I always thought Andrew Jackson was the hottest President on a bill....

Last week I saw the amazing cast of "Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson" at the Public Theatre, and I've been annoying my friends ever since with how much I LOVED IT. It's the story of Andrew Jackson's childhood and rise to presidency, which in itself sounds AWESOME (not really). However, it's done like a pop-emo-rock opera, and it is fantastic and funny as hell. Don't believe me and my high-brow taste in art? (Britney Spears, animals talking,the UPN smash hit Girlfriends?) Read the NYT review then, asshole. Great new musical score, amazing cast and a great band to back it up. Go see it! Weekday tix are usually around $50, and can be purchased on the Public Theatre's website.

And if all that doesn't make you want to go see it, go for Benjamin Walker, who plays Andrew Jackson.



Sweet Mother of Pearl, he is hot. And very talented. And about to marry Meryl Streep's daughter. Womp womp.

Moneymoneymoneymoney..... MONAAAY!

Sing it in your head, you'll get it.


So, the month of May (which is supposed be "lusty and jolly good fun")left your poor little artist here broke as a joke. A cruel, cruel joke. Rather than wallow in my government cheese, I've decided to take action! In what ways, besides my two other jobs, can I make money on the side? Let's Brainstorm, ya'll!

1. Join the Haus of Gaga as their resident monocle maker.

2. Learn how to play Native American wind pipes and join those dudes in the subway. They have to make bank, they're everywhere!

3. Knit paw protectors for rich dogs.

3. Do this.

4. Do a Valtrex commercial.

5. Find the solution to the BP oil rig spill.

6. Lady of the night. Any takers?

Leave your suggestions! Mama needs a brand new pair of shoes... literally, mine are falling apart.

Ruh Roh....

Oh, hey there! It's been a month since I updated, oops! Get ready boo boos, I will be updating regularly soon, and the love/hate's will be back to normal. Its summertime here in NYC, so I'm sure I'll have lots of things to bitch about, like being pressed up next to people with back sweat on the subway, children on leashes, clown street performers, and clam diggers (the heinously awkward cousin to capri pants):



Ew. Happy Summer!

Douche sweats.

Joey Potter, STOP.

And Tom Cruise is trying to be all like "Look at my beautiful wife! Look how talented and playful she is, playing with my hair and swaying her hips awkwardly! I'm so lucky!.....I like menWHAT? Who said that."

"Well, then, I just HATE you... and I hate your... ass... FACE! "

So the Met Costume Institute Gala was last night, and I love how my soul sister Mary J. Blige paid hair homage to one of my favorite fictional men in the world:



Mr. Corky Saint Clair.



Seriously though, I need another mockumentary from Christopher Guest stat. I can recite Waiting for Guffman, Drop Dead Gorgeous and Best in Show line for line. I need new fake/real hilariousness! And more Parker Posey.

I love that....

Yesterday a gentlemen who was at one of my tables coughed "Aha aha ah". Just like that.And I had to say "goddamn!" under my breath. They all thought I said "god bless" or something. That little jive was just between me and old DJ Kool.

HOLY SH*T!!

Um, I think I need to take a Vicodin and cuddle with my blankie after reading this story. In Switzerland, you can hire this dude who goes by Dominic DeVille for your child's (!) birthday party. 7 days before their birthday, they get threatening texts and calls about how they're going to be attacked on the 7th day. When its their Birthday, he chases them down with a pie and if they dodge it, they get a cake. If not... they die.

No, they still get a cake. Everyone's a winner in Dominic's satanic book! And apparently he's EXTREMELY popular there. And he says its all fun and games, and the kids just LOVE it:

"The clown will never break into a residence or show up at work. It’s all in fun and if, at any point, the kids get scared or their parents are concerned, we stop right there. But most kids absolutely love being scared senseless."


Hey Sarah, I know what I'm getting you for your birthday!!

I wouldn't condone this...

...if it wasn't Sarah Palin. Listen, I don't care if you're a Democrat or Republican, or a liberal or conservative version of those parties, or anything at all. If you're passionate and EDUCATED about the topics and WELL MEANING (most importantly), then go for it! Make signs and march your little heart out! But if you're sole purpose is to kick up dirt and rabble rouse just for the sake of commotion, noise and media coverage, and not for the common good and/or bettering yourself and your country then get the F out of my face.

And I'm not trying to say this reflects on all Tea Party-ers. A lot of these people are very good, educated people who are just horrified at how much the Government takes in taxes and how its getting more and more involved in their lives. Understandable, gotcha. I just hate how she's latched herself on to these groups because she sees that its a great opportunity to make money (I don't even want to know how much money she gets for speaking) and say "down home" (read: FAKE) phrases to the "back bone of America!" (read: people who pay me to speak).

I. just. hate. this. woman.

Most of America would give their eye teeth to get a whack at Palin!

I'm going to be honest, I went looking for the worst of those Tea Party signs, and there were awesomely misspelled ones and some really racist ones, but this one actually made me laugh. Good thing all of us liberals are a bunch of crazy gays, we LOOOOOVE tea bagging! *High Five*

But seriously.... Sarah Palin, her hand notes, hair and makeup team and a group of pied piper-ed crazies are on my home turf today in Massachusetts on Boston Common. Can I Western Union some cash to that homeless dude that was always outside of Filene's Basement to go up and donkey punch Ms. Palin? What do you say Crazy Ted? Two Abey Lincolns can be more persuasive than me....




End note: WHEN WILL THIS WOMAN GO AWAY. Where's a tornado thrown house from Kansas when you need it? Preferably Joe the Plumber's house.

Can I PLEASE audition for these?

Sometimes, before I go to bed I like to thank The Big Guy for all the wonderful things I have in my life. Family, friends, not having a lisp, puppies, people to make fun of, all the good stuff. When I saw my very first Slomin's Shield commercial, I yelled "HALLELUJAH!". Truly bad commercials like this only come along once and awhile. Thank the lord for the Ad executive that conjured this shit up. The first one is amazing. Awful (-lly good?) acting and really cheap production value. And the couples!! I always like to think about how some commercials would play out in real life. Like the Chase Sapphire Rewards Points commercial (see here) Um, if my spouse was like "hey honey, you know all those points we racked up while we were getting ourselves in massive amounts of debt? I BOUGHT A DRESS WITH THEM! Teehee!" I'd be like "Yeah.... WHAT? You are so selfish, I mean what an awful thing to do! I hate you! That dress makes you look fat! I don't even KNOW you anymore!! Ugh.... BITCH!"

Thats what I would like to see happen with the second couple. 'You KNOW I don't like leaving the kids and the babsitter alone!". Yes, and thats why we haven't gone out in TEN YEARS AND I'M GOING TO BURN THIS HOUSE DOWN IF I DON'T SEE NON-WORK RELATED PEOPLE YOU PARANOID FREAK! What's the point of a babysitter if you don't LEAVE THEM ALONE WITH THE KIDS! I'm having an affair you cold, crazy NUTBAG! I can't deal with this anymore! Ten years of my life down the drain for a BAT SHIT HERMIT!!.... or something like that.


But the BEST is this gem. Bitch is HOSTILE! And he comes from the Acting School of Emoting through your hands (and hair! so fabulous). Thank God Slomin's Shield is there to make it alright.

No Friggin Way Ked!

Gather up your Sullys, your Dannys, your Tinas and your Kathleens, because the Jersey Shore casting department put out a casting notice for a Boston version called (wait for it.....) MassHoles.


They all better be from Revere Beach, or I'm not watching. And if they don't have one girl with constantly gelled curls and a claddagh tattoo, no go. It just wouldn't be right.


"NOMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"


Ahem. Just had to get that out of my system.

Thanks Arrison!

I LOVE THIS. Funny, thats what happens to me when someone scratches my back, too! Is my cat humor creeping anyone out yet? No? GOOD. Because there's a lot more where that came from.

WHAT THE WHAT

Thanks Bri-no-no! Check this shit out, and fast forward to 1:10. Daaaaammmmn boy! Whitney don't even sound like that anymore! Stupid Crack ho.

P.S. Love the mushroom cut!

The scary part is, my hair is exactly the same....

So, I was at home a couple weeks ago and me and the Mom-sicle were going through old photos. Some cute, some horrifying ("Aw, remember that toy barn? You guys loved that barn!" "Yeah, except when Matt locked me in it for 5 hours while he was babysitting." "Oh, well... I don't remember that... oh look!...")

But we stumble on this little gem.



I was throwin' 'tude ever since Elementary School yo!I wonder what was running through my head....

"Why the F did Mom poof my bangs this much?!"

"This photographer is a dick. Who gives out free plastic combs? Cheap ass."

"YOU'RE MAKING ME MISS RECESS. I HATE YOU."


When we saw it my Mom was like "Yeah, we never framed that one. You look like that fire-starter girl in that Stephen King movie." I crack up when I think of my Mom waiting for the school photos to arrive a month later, excitedly opening up the package and seeing four different sizes of this picture. Who wouldn't want to carry that around in their wallet?

Bahahaha... Love this.

Ohhhh Jennifer Lopez, try not to piss off your sound technician when you're recording, or else shit like this will happen. You know Barbara is sitting somewhere in a caftan shaking her fist at the sky!

Hipster Kitty

Actually, after Gawker's poll I should say Fauxhemian Kitty (although I personally voted for "Doucheoisie"). The sites hipsterkitty.com and hipsterpuppy.com have been making the rounds lately, and rightfully so. They're freakin hilarious (and soooo true maaan). They pose adorable puppies and kittens in hipster garb, but the best parts are the captions. My personal favorite - Keith Richards Kitty.

It got a few good reviews... trust.

Sometimes, when you really need a boost, do you wish that you could get those movie reviews that have those teeeeeny tiny publication names that Michael Bay usual has?

"AN AMAZING THEATRICAL EVENT!" - the richmond county gazette

"IT MADE ME CRY AND THINK!" - the Juno AA newsletter

"DO WE HEAR OSCAH NOMINATION?!"- Dorchester Newspapah


Anyways.... don't you wish that sometimes you could get unimportant reviews like that?

"GREAT ASS!"- homeless dude down the street

"Youaarrreshoooopretty.NOsheeeriously, so pretty, and SMAAAART. Shit, where's the bathroom?" - Your drunk friend from Freshman year of college.

"You look less fat!" - mom.



Sigh.

Need some smiles, jackass?

You're welcome.

Why is "Love Me" pointing to his pants?.....

Ok, I haven't listened to any of this kid's songs, but I know that he is the prodigy of Usher, and is making pre-teen girls trample their mothers and small animals to get to his mall tours. I just don't get it. When I had my first celebrity crush, it was on the Backstreet Boys. (although watching David Duchovney in X-Files when I was 11 always made me feel funny....)I loved them because they sang of love and sparkles, and gyrated on the stage in cool mesh tank tops. And all of my other friends liked similar stuff too, like N*Sync and 98 Degrees. At least there was some masculinity and a whiff of sex there! Justin here literally looks like a flat tipped hat rocking fifth grader who's going to race you to the swings. Kids these days. Actually, hold up a second. I do remember one crush that didn't really make sense:




Are those for ME? The JTT-ster. I LOVED HIM! I made scrapbooks and watched Home Improvement and memorized his lines from "The Lion King". Ok, carry on kids. Justin is NO Jonathan Taylor Thomas (especially on the hair front), but I sort of get where you're coming from. I wonder what JTT is up to nowadays. I would love if he had a secret fall from fame and is now some bum in Alphabet City who mumbles "I just can't WAIT to be KING!!" outside of a Bodega and smells like eggs. That would be funny.

Oops....

Sorry ya'll, but I've actually been so busy with boring things like "life" and "maintaining relationships" that I haven't had much time to hate on anything lately! But don't worry, I feel a wave of love/hate coming on, so the posts should be back on track.

A little bit of a delayed reaction but....

What in the F were the Vancouver Closing Ceremonies?!

The Olympics saved the best for last this cycle, with the USA v. Canada Gold Medal Hockey game being the last event in Vancouver. Me and my Canadian cousins and their very polite Canadian friends watched it at the restaurant I work at, and it was a lot of fun. The game was AWESOME, going into OT in the last few seconds of the 3rd. Alas, the US lost, but those darn Canadians were so happy and NICE that I just couldn't be mad at them.

I'll give you an example of their maple leaf sweetness. There was this tool bag sitting next to us that, in typical US fashion, was smack talking our beloved Canucks the whole game. When Crosby scored the game winning goal his table got up to leave, and as they passed us he said "Yeah, well we have WAAAAY more gold medals than you guys!". We Americans are nothing if not scathing with our insults. Yeah buddy, the Canadians really care about the medal count when they just won THE SPORT THAT THEY INVENTED AND PERFECTED. Anyways... One of my cousin's friends throws his shoulders back and follows the guy into the crowd. I'm thinking "Fight! Yes!" (as "I'm proud to be an American" was playing. It would have been perfect).

Her friend comes back with a very pleased expression on his face. I'm thinking he told him off real good so we all ask "What happened?" He smiles and says "I walked right up to him, and I told him, I said right to his face what a BAD SPORT he was being!"

Did you just tilt your head to the side and make the "that's so sweet!" face? Yeah, I did too.

Bit of a digression, but we stayed and drank and had fun for the night, so maybe that's why I didn't immediately remember the beaver and leaf laden MESS that was the closing ceremonies.



Lets play a game called spot the stereotypes!
1. Giant beavers!
2. Lumberjacks!
3. Mounties!
4. Moose! (I wanted to put Meese. We need to make that plural)
5. Hockey players!
6. Dancing Maple Leafs!
7. Michael Buble singing "Maple Leaf Forever!"

I'm surprised they didn't have a giant Canadian Bacon slab skating around. This is what it would have looked like if you went into the Canadian "Its a Small World After All" ride on LSD.

I hate AWKWARDNESS.

I was typing up a letter for my boss this morning, when he dictated that I should get the address of the person in the letter from one of our employees. I ask Employee X to send me the person's address in an inter-office note. Employee X, being a helpful middle-aged man, comes over to the computer and says he'll just tell me as I type. It starts off unassuming :"231..."

and then goes horribly wrong....

"Semen road."

I'm all kinds of inappropriate, but I tried to stifle my giggle. So I type what I hear:

"Seamen road."

Nice save, me! I'm an adult that can type dirty sounding things without laughing! High five!

"Nope, that's not it."

I stare up at fatherly looking employee X and give him the same look I gave my Mother and Father when they gave me the sex talk on a 4 hour drive from Boston to NYC.

and I type:

"Semen road."

Employee X shakes his head and says "No, not SeamEn road, SeamAn road."

I type the rest of the address and thank employee x profusely, pulling up my TASTEFUL v-neck shirt and doing a Hail Mary. He walks away, and gives a side ways look that can only say:

"Tramp."

Happy Tuesday!!!! :)

And you thought you were fat

Click here, and be prepared to laugh. Now I love me some fat animals, but this thing might have a Thyroid problem. It can't even see the ball! Someday Merfy, you'll be able to see your paws.

Special thanks to Old Man Dan for finding this gem.

I HATE BAD EYEBROWS.

Another well known fact about me is that bad eyebrows make me go into Epileptic fits. Well, Lourdes Leon is apparently 14 years old, and the daughter of a Bajillionaire Pop Superstar. WHY HASN'T ANYONE TAMED THOSE BEASTS? That poor girl is so pretty, but my eye starts twitching and my hands reach for my tweezer and bleach when I see this picture.



I know some of you are going to be like "That's so mean! She's just a kid!" Well I think its mean for a Mom to see her daughter like that and not usher her to nearest waxing place as soon as she hits 13, like my Mom did. You have to get that ish under control! And her Mom (MADONNA) knows more than anyone what bad eyebrows look like:



Madonna, do your motherly job! You can even make it fun for her. You're so rich that you could hire the Jonas Brothers to sing to her as Taylor Lautner waxes the eyebrows with molten gold and vampire glitter! What 14 year old wouldn't want that?

Happy Monday from A-Rod!

I've heard from numerous people that Gawker.com is basically a gossip mill for Manhattan that makes for good reading if you're up on your Page Six info, which most of the time I'm not. Whenever I read Page Six most of the names they mention are along the lines of "Peaches Geldof's restauranteur boy toy Winnebago Maximillian" or "Sarah Jessica Parker's Dietician/cat walker Aimeee Vanderschmidt-Bankhead", and they're donating money to the Kabbalah Centre or getting "mushroom cleansed" at some spa. Anyway, I have a very surface level knowledge of celebrities (John Mayer! Kim Kardashian! Soleil Moon-Frye!), so I didn't think I was going to get much out of the site. But its actually pretty funny! Lots of news based articles ("news" used loosely) mixed in with celebrity sightings (try out the Gawker Stalker), trends, and of course gossip.

One the best articles I found was "Six Things to do if you Hate New York Besides Anthrax Mailings". All of them very true, and I will share anything that perpetuates the story that A-Rod has a life size painting of him as a centaur in his apartment. It gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling, one that I know helps start the week off right.

GET YOUR PAWS OFF MY MAN ABDUL!!

Ok, this is a case of pure jealousy. I was having a wonderful Sunday morning, nursing my hangover and browsing trashy gossip sites, when what doth mine eyes see? PAULA ABDUL talking about my tap dancing hunk in the sky, Gene Kelly:

"I cultivated a real relationship with him the last 2 years of his life. It was the coolest thing. I would have tea with him- sometimes once a week, sometimes twice a week."

AW HELL NAW. Ok Paula, I know you consider yourself a pretty good dancer, especially with one MC Skat Cat. But if you think this:



Compares to this:



... well, I think you've had one Valium too many ma'am. Why couldn't I have had tea with Gene? I know I was ten when he died, but I think I could have kept up with him, and told him Xanadu was a bad idea. Sigh.

One of these things is not like the other....

Which one do you think? I'll give you a guess.

"Hi! I'm Abbie Cornish! Look how pretty and fresh faced I am!"

"Hi! I'm Carey Mulligan! I'm up for an Oscar for my role in 'An Education'! I am cute and clean!"

"uhhh Hi? Yeah... I'm... *bites lip*, Kristen Stewart, huh yeah. Did they say we had to shower for this thing? Bummer. I kind of smell. Whatever. My movies are cool, or not, whatever. Did I change my underwear today....?"

The rest - "We're young and healthy looking and showered and talented! Yay!!"

Anna Kendrick (far right) - "I was in Twilight too! Remember me? Bella personality-of-a-sedated-turtle Swan's best friend? I'm nominated for an Oscar now! SUCK ON THAT Kristen Dopey-Mcslouchalot! HA!"

Seriously, if you have the Vanity Fair Hollywood issue, this picture isn't even the worst. The picture they have inside the magazine, she literally looks like that girl in high school who always had a slight B.O. problem and was high all the time. I want to sneak up behind her and jam a syringe of smack into her veins just so she can look slightly awake and coherent. You're in one of the most successful movie franchises of all time, despite the fact that your "acting" technique is looking away and biting your lip, with some hand wringing and pulling of the sleeves, when you're really on your A-game. ACT LIKE YOU'RE SEMI HAPPY/GRATEFUL ABOUT HOW LUCKY YOU ARE. I mean, Robert Pattinson is:



...I think? Or is that his confused face? At least his hair looks happy.

She will haunt your Performance Fleece dreams....

I don't know about anyone else, but I am equal parts enraged and scared whenever those stupid Old Navy "Modelquins" commercials come on. They're basically Creepy mannequin puppets who have death stares and tell you to buy Cardigans. I mean seriously, who's running Old Navy's advertising department? Geppetto?

See Mom, if she can wear eye shadow at 13 so can I!

So, this is definitely a "what the what?". 13 year old Alexa Gonzalez here was just chillin' in homeroom in Forest Hills, NY, and felt the need to declare to the whole Junior High that her girls were TIGHT! She scrawled "I love my friends Abby and Faith. Lex was here 2/1/10 :)" in marker on her desk. First of all, amateur mistake girl, never leave your name! And do that ish in erasable pen, so you can edit it, just in case Abby gets braces and isn't cool or Faith steals your cafeteria boyfriend. Bitch.

All of a sudden, Alexa finds herself cuffed and heading over to the local precinct across the street! DAMN!

"They put the handcuffs on me, and I couldn't believe it," Alexa recalled. "I didn't want them to see me being handcuffed, thinking I'm a bad person."

Don't worry Alexa, you just got yourself instant middle school street cred. Someone's getting asked to the Fall Fling by the mildly intimidating cool kid that sits in the back row of every class! He'll probably wear a top hat too. He's that cool.

Apparently Alexa didn't get charged with anything, but what the what? If she got handcuffed for writing on a desk most of my friends should be in Maximum Security for antics in the bathroom (I'll leave that to your imagination) and passing obscene notes about teachers. Kids these days have it hard.

You can read the whole ridiculous article over at CNN.com

I Love this Bitch.

Say hello to Sadie, the Scottish Terrier who won the Westminster Dog Show yesterday. As most of my friends know, I love anything animal (that sounds dirty), and I took one look at her bearded face and fell in love. She's giving me attitude in this picture, or as Tyra (and anyone in the musical theatre community) says: "being FIERCE!". Work that title Sadie, you're now the head bitch in charge.

What the What? - Olympics!

Ok, before I start sounding like a miserable old hag who hates everything, I should say that I am in love with the Olympics. In love! Every four years, I get to see Bob Costas and his magnificent hair plugs sit in a comfy chair and make inappropriate/snarky comments about the best athletes in the world. I mean look at that guy. He's almost saying "Yeah, I could give a crap about curling too. Let's go get a drink. *wink*"



I also get to witness AMAZINGLY bad figure skating outfits. No reader, your eyes do not deceive you. Those are spandex figure skatin' overalls! Yeeeehaw! Samuel Contesti from Italy thought these would be Olympic worthy, and I can't say he's wrong. If he can't dazzle the judges with his technical skill, he'll blow them away with his plaid. Well played, sir. Well played.

I'll be commenting whenever the Olympics throws me something lovely, or hateful, or what the what, which should be often. Viva Vancouver!

Another thing I hate....

AVRIL LAVIGNE. My hatred for her has burned since high school. Sk8er Boi makes me want to punch random people on the street, maybe even a puppy or two. I hate her that much. And these ads for T-Mobile. YOU'RE 26 YEARS OLD! I checked. What the WHAT are you doing wearing bows in your hair! And fix your posture, you're making my back hurt. And who made your bracelet, a kindergartner? I have to stop, I might have a rage stroke.

Oh herro.

So, my first post. I think I'll set the tone of this blog by sharing with you one of the worst (and most entertaining) songs of all time, and the namesake for this blog, Christmas Shoes. I hate it, yet I love it at the same time. Like why is this kid in an Oliver get up? And why does his Mother look like she just woke up from 1776? Nice hat.